what i want

I want deep and real and meaningful. I want someone who allows me - encourages me — to feel true emotions, and who feels them in return. Not someone whose response to anything is a lackluster attempt at humor. Or worse, minimization.

I was in an awful place the other day, down and drained after re-reading the list of bad memories and H came downstairs and said “at least you don’t have to talk to the people I’ve been talking to at work all day.” What. the actual. fuck.

Am I searching for reasons to stay in this marriage, or am I just afraid to let it go? Because I don’t know how I’ll support myself while continuing to be full time available for my daughter. Because I want to write, I deserve the time to get back to the craft of novel writing after sacrificing it for so long. And I don’t know if I can do it without my current life. Except I can’t fucking do it with my current life either.